Yesterday I went to a jewelry store by my house to pick up my watch which had been repaired (total bill -- $5.80! What a bargain!!) It's a small shop, and there were only two customers, myself and a young woman with her son. As I waited my turn, I couldn't help but overhear parts of their conversation. She was there to sell her wedding ring. The shop owner was explaining that selling on consignment would likely bring her more money, but it might take months to get an offer. Alternatively, he offered to buy the ring outright, however it would be at a lower price. The woman was obviously distressed, fighting back tears, and I heard her say, "Well, I have some bills that are due now, so I'll just have to sell it." The man went to the back of the shop to write out the check.
Now it was just the three of us in the small waiting area -- the woman, her little boy, and me -- and it was uncomfortable. Finally, I broke the silence with a sort-of meek, "How are you doing?" That was all it took. She told me she had never had her wedding ring off in all the years she had owned it, that she and her husband had filed for divorce (something she had never dreamed would happen) and that she needed the money because she had to pay her attorney fees. It was such a painful story, and she wept as she told it to me. I nearly wept myself remembering the pain of my own divorce and of the people I know who are going through the process right now.
I offered that I knew many who had been divorced, as well as several who were struggling with it right now just as she was. I said I was even thinking about starting a divorce support group at our church, and that I knew of one right up the road at a Presbyterian Church that maybe she could look into. We talked a little about faith communities and how they can be a place of comfort and support during these kinds of life crises. I told her where our parish was located and invited her to visit if she ever needed to just sit in church and feel welcomed by others. About that time the owner returned with her check and she left.
Now, I doubt I will ever see her again, and I don't for a minute think our conversation was in any way profound, but it was instructive for me on two levels. First, I am reminded just how painful it is to go through a divorce. For all parties. And especially when there are children. It happens, I know that. It is often inevitable and sometimes perhaps even for the best. But the pain and suffering are real and palpable, and if you know anyone who is in this process or contemplating it, please know that their lives are being turned inside out and they are frightened.
Second, I am mindful that the church is one of the places where people can go in these times of brokenness and hurt. That the church isn't obligated to "fix" their situation or solve their problems, in fact, that is when we are at our worst, but we are at our best when we are a safe and welcoming place where someone in pain can find peace, even just a little, and acceptance where they are. We, the church, are at our best when we embody the loving face of Christ that people need, that we all need, when we hurt.
If people come hungry, we must feed them. If they are homeless, we must give them shelter. If they are broken and hurt, we must be the place, a safe and loving place, where they might experience the healing presence of our Risen Lord. Pray for those going through divorce today. Their hearts are breaking. Our break with theirs.
Fr. Mark+
